Building on What We Have Learned
It is a bright, brisk spring afternoon in Oregon. The car is clean and ready to present to the client. We circle the car: she is very happy to see that the damage has been repaired. Her car is shiny as new as they pull away from our shop. I walk back into the office, satisfied, and then I hear it—the screech of tires, and the inevitable crash of twisting metal and glass that follows. I rush outside to see that the car we have just rebuilt has been in an accident. What follows then is a flood of adrenaline, and I try helplessly to sit with the client and console her as we start the repair process—a month long—all over again.
The psychological and emotional roller coaster I experienced that day—this was spring ’03 or ’04—was intense, but controlled and informed by experience. For the client, though, it was uncontrolled, and much more than intense—it was heartbreaking. My client was bolstered in that moment, however, by the fact that I was there for her, and we were sharing an experience unlike either of us had before, like something out of a bad movie. And I had certainly sat with people before as they processed and digested events that rearranged their lives. Even if the adjustment to their lives was only a few weeks’ worth, I had seen the difficulty of that adjustment in the ardor—the bravery—of their eyes.
When I left the collision industry, it seemed to me for several years that I had left behind the daily intensity and drama of an industry entirely based on unexpected, disruptive events of life. That, ultimately, turned out to be a vanity. Because today, in a much more ostensibly stable and conservative business, I still have experiences that cause me to feel that same twinge of visceral thrill that I did in the beginning of my professional career. Here are I couple things I feel I have learned from—and continue to learn from—challenges of these kinds.
There is always an immediate assessment of any situation for a human being. That assessment is instinctive and reactive. In this process, we essentially take an inventory of threats—both potential dangers and present ones. I assure you that this adrenaline rush you feel is very real and natural, and was engineered in your physiology as a tool to help you get out of the way of predators and manage threats to your body, kin, or resources.
But—right now, as you read this, you’re safe. So take a deep breath with me. We can almost always find at least a moment or two to slow down a little bit and attempt to be reflective rather than reactive. I know that in the moment of crisis or stress, this can be quite difficult. I think part of the reason that this can be so difficult is that often in these moments, we are confronted with the uncomfortable fact that we may ourselves have made some mistakes. If you are anything like me, in this fast-driven world, you may have been less than ideally patient, or erred on the side of being demanding rather than understanding. And the deeper the impact of your mistake, or the more people are affected by your mistake, the more difficult—those affected may even be echoing your mistake by accepting your conduct as a standard from which to draw, widening your error’s wake.
Compassion, I have found, is ultimately the antidote here—be kind and grateful to others, even when they have frustrated you in whatever way. Remember that everyone is facing an uphill battle that you don’t fully understand, and that they were most likely doing what they saw was necessary in the context of that unseen battle. We don’t have to and often won’t understand it, but I feel that we are called to operate in that pressurized arena with grace, humility and discernment. And in return, we can lean on others who play a crucial role in getting us back to our best state.
Once the storm of any given stressor situation has passed, a vitally important window of time opens, in which we must use earnest effort to re-assess and reflect on what has occurred. You will experience two significant tailwinds inside this window—hindsight, and tranquility. I think if you use the potent cognitive gifts your mind possesses, and spend this time correctly, you will begin to learn about yourself in an acute way. You will begin to be able to use the recent experience as a way of thoughtfully modeling for possible future scenarios. And then you’ll re-emerge into the world as a more prepared citizen of it.
I know all of you reading this have been through an epicenter of stress or pressure before, because that’s the nature of modern life. Hell, that’s human nature. There’s enormous precedent and history in any moment of stress—you aren’t alone in it, and it shall pass. Situations like this will feel new and urgent—even unsurpassable—each time they rear their head. Just remember you can draw from the wisdom of both your past experiences and the past experiences of others. There is so much strength in that wisdom, if you can just build a process for yourself to draw from it in those moments.
Written By: Chad Ramberg
Today’s BPI Advice: No advice today—instead, a blessing, from my heart to yours. May you be blessed with those you hold close to your heart (even if they may not be next to you); may you draw on past experiences to help you today; and finally, may peace, strength and wisdom flow in your decisions.
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